Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman

Author:Sarah Edelman [Edelman, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

EXERCISE 2

Now it is your turn. Make up your

own table with columns for

‘observation’, ‘diminishing beliefs’

and ‘flexible beliefs’. Write down

some observations about yourself

that have caused you to feel

inadequate – now or in the past. In

the ‘diminishing beliefs’ column,

write some of the rigid beliefs that

have made you feel that way. Then

think about a more healthy and

balanced way of perceiving your

situation. In the ‘flexible beliefs’

column, write some more realistic

ways of thinking about your

situation that would help you to

maintain healthy self-esteem.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR

STRENGTHS AND QUALITIES

In their book Self-Esteem, Fanning

and McKay refer to the ‘inner

critic’ – an internal voice that

constantly

carps,

judges

and

criticises us, but rarely gives us

praise or acknowledgment. It seems

that many of us have a harsh inner

critic and consequently we tend to

focus on our perceived weaknesses

and defects, while ignoring our

strengths. An interesting exercise,

which helps us to examine our inner

critic, is to write two lists – one

comprising

all

our

perceived

strengths and the other comprising

our perceived weaknesses. How

easy or difficult it is to think of

items for each list tells us a lot

about our critic. Many people

struggle to think of anything good to

say about themselves, but have no

difficulty in coming up with a long

list of defects. Others find it easy to

think of both their strengths and

weaknesses, while some find it

easier to think of their qualities and

strengths.

People who can think of lots of

positive

attributes

are

not

necessarily any more gifted or

virtuous than those who can think of

only a few. They are simply more

focused on their strengths. Those

who find it easy to think of their

perceived defects are more focused

on their limitations, and tend to

ignore their positive qualities.

Choosing to focus more on our

qualities, and to accept the things

we do not like but can’t change, can

help us to develop a more balanced

and healthy self-image.

EXERCISE 3

1. List as many of your

positive attributes and

strengths that you can think

of.

2. Once you have written as

many as you can, ask other

people to help you by

writing what they think

your strengths are.

3. Refer to your list regularly,

to remind yourself of the

many things you take for

granted.

BEHAVIOURAL

STRATEGIES THAT

ENHANCE SELF-ESTEEM

We saw earlier that behavioural

disputing is a powerful strategy for

changing the way we think and feel

about

ourselves.

In

addition,

strategies such as setting goals and

using

honest

and

assertive

communication can help us to

maintain healthy self-esteem.

SET LIFE-ENHANCING

GOALS

While self-acceptance is essential

for good self-esteem, this does not

mean that we should avoid striving

to improve ourselves in areas

where we can make a difference.

Whenever we are dealing with a

self-esteem issue, it is worth

considering whether there are any

practical actions we can take that

could enhance our quality of life

and help us to feel good about

ourselves. For instance, we might

consider increasing our general

knowledge, extending our social

circle,

improving

our fitness,

developing a new interest, learning

some new skills, taking on a new

challenge

or

updating

our

wardrobe.

While

pursuing

meaningful

goals can be very satisfying,

doggedly chasing unrealistic goals

can be self-defeating. It is therefore

important to set goals that are

realistic, and to remain flexible in

pursuing

them.

Many

people

underestimate what they are capable

of when they really put their mind to

it; however, the opposite is also

true: some people set themselves

unrealistic goals, and then feel

inadequate and despondent when

they fail to achieve them.

James

is

seeking

Ms

Perfect, with whom he can

share his life. She has to be

slim,

beautiful,

clever,

gregarious,

financially

independent and mad about

him. While James has

occasionally

pursued

women who looked like Ms

Perfect, none of them has

been interested in him. The

problem is not that James

is unlovable, but that his

expectations

are

unrealistic.

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